Dirty Los Angeles
by fickleickle
Summary: Edward is the playboy prince of Bel-Air, an upscale neighborhood of Los Angeles, California. Bella is the new girl at Beverly Hills High who, befriended by friendly, perky Alice, is quickly introduced to a world of wealth, beauty, sex and tomfoolery.
1. Chapter 1

The dirty prince of Bel-Air – Chapter 1

EPOV

"Samantha!"

Shit.

Shit shit shit shit shit.

I shot out of Sam's bed like a bolt and started groping around the dark room for my clothes.

"The chair!" she hissed, her eyes wide in the glow of the moonlight. I bent down to quickly kiss her full, lush mouth and snatched my clothes off the back of her husband's recliner. Her _husband's _fucking recliner. These exploits were growing increasingly dangerous to my health. Throwing my shirt over my bare chest I made a beeline for the bay window and frantically hopped into my jeans.

"Sam? Where are you?" He was closer now, pounding heavily up the stairs. I had about three seconds to get my ass out of sight. I didn't want another attempt on my life.

Fuck...my shoes. Where the hell were my shoes? I made a mad dive under the bed where I had kicked them off. Stumbling back to the open bay window, shoes in one hand, holding my pants up with the other, I was ready to jump.

"Cullen!" I froze.

Or not. 

Samantha's 250lb redneck husband barrelled into the moonlit room looking distinctly homicidal.

"Cullen I'm going to get you this time, boy!" He lumbered to the closet and produced a metal baseball bat. Shit. I squeezed my eyes shut, said a silent prayer and flung myself out the window, pants around my knees.

I rolled down the slanted Spanish tiles and landed noisily in the bushes below, cursing as sharp twigs broke off and branded my naked flesh. I half rolled half crawled out of the shrub and managed to pull my pants on in the process.

"Edward!" I heard Sam cry.

"I hope you broke your neck, boy! 'Cause it's gonna break one way or another!"

"Good to see you again, Mr. Dayton!" I chuckled, wondering briefly if the fat bastard had cameras in the house. He always seemed to know just when to come home. Last time Sam and I had been sprawled out on the Italian leather sofa in the living room, and he'd burst in and damn near taken my head off with his shotgun. I smiled at the fond memories.

I shoved my shoes on, ran across the street and dove into Rosalie's convertible…which I'd taken in a last minute stroke of brilliance for easy access. The verbal ass fucking I'd get later would be worth it if I could save myself from a baseball bat ass fucking from a fat oil tycoon. At least Rosalie had soft hands.

Dayton was still bellowing vile threats against my tender young life as Rose's Bentley Continental roared to life. He looked like King Kong hanging out of the window flailing his beefy arms.

"CULLEN!"

I peeled away from the curb and flew down Sunset blvd, stretching my aching limbs, the sounds of Pink Floyd filling the cool California night air.

Jasper was still up when I got back to the pool house.

"Hey word. Why the blood? Narrow escape again?"

"Yeah...old lady Dayton's house. Pacific Palisades. The Texas ranger came home early."

"You took Rose's car, didn't you."

"I did."

"You got blood on it, didn't you."

"Maybe."

"She'll rip your balls off in the morning."

"Won't be the first time."

He went back to his game and I went to the bar and poured myself a stiff drink...nothing like Black Label after satisfying an older woman. I took my drink to the bathroom with me and gingerly peeled off my blood spotted t-shirt, jumped in the shower and let the hot water wash my cuts and scrapes as I languidly sipped my whiskey. The cuts stung, but they didn't seem too deep. I'd have Carlisle look at them in the morning.

Jasper sauntered in to brush his teeth.

"Open the hot water and die, motherfu-AAAAAHHHMOTHERFUCKER!"

"Sorry. Hey listen, your plans for me banging Jessica have all failed spectacularly. I need some fresh angles."

I stuck my empty glass out at him from the shower and he dutifully left to refill it.

"You tried jealousy tactics?"

"Yeah...made out with that girl whose locker's next to hers. Right in front of her. She didn't bat an eyelash." He stuck the whole fucking bottle of Johnny Walker through the shower curtain at me. I moaned gratefully and swallowed two gulps, relishing the burning sensation. I felt the warmth of it radiate through my chest, already numbing my throbbing welts and bruised ass.

"Did you cop a feel during Spanish class at least?"

"She gave me a purple nurple, dude. It's still purple. Or morado, if you prefer." He chuckled.

"Huh...what about the sex note in the locker? That one's foolproof."

"She thought it was from that idiot Mike. I think she gave him a quickie in the bathroom. I can't win dude."

I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist, picking up my own toothbrush. .

"Hrrk shurr effur uuck bee?" He garbled. I cocked an eyebrow at the mirror and he spat. "Think she'll ever fuck me? I really need to get laid, man."

"Invite her over and get her drunk. How hard can it be? She's serviced half the school…and a couple teachers, I believe."

"Think she's dirty?"

"A body condom might be a wise choice."

"Noted."

I rolled my eyes at my reflection. Why he went for high school girls was beyond me. Why, bratty, stuck up Beverly Hills bitches who'd sooner shove a $700 shoe up your ass than smile at you appealed to him, I'll never know. The man was just too green when it came to girls. His southern charm and mild mannered ways seemed to have the opposite effect on Beverly bitches and more often than not they just mistake him for gay. So he compensates sometimes. He gets slapped a lot.

He flat out refuses to come with me on my nightly house calls. I even offered a tag team once. He seemed offended by the sentiment.

I rinsed my mouth and opened the medicine cabinet, looking to find a catalyst for the Jack Daniels to do its job. I found a bottle of codeine with only a few pills rattling inside, and realized I'd have to make another visit to Carlisle's stash again soon. My uncle was a highly successful plastic surgeon – It had its perks, I won't lie. Like my car. And the healthy supply of Milfs wanting to fuck me to get on Carlisle's extensive waiting list. Everyone always assumed our good looks were surgically fabricated; people just figured if you're good looking, live in Bel-Air, live with a plastic surgeon...

Beverly Hills was full of assholes. This place is so much different from Philadelphia; plastic and phony smiles, women who spend hours at the beauty parlour and come out looking like photo shopped pictures. Shiny painted Barbie dolls. Our high school alone was a who's who of celebrity spawns and Hollywood brats. Vapid bitches, cocky motherfuckers who dressed like assholes with popped collars, and the very air was rife with pretension and affluence. Everyone wanted to be a fucking actor. Everyone knew the A-list personally. The school parking lot was a fucking auto show.

I missed real women. _Real_ fucking women. Who don't care where their jeans are from or how much their daddy spends on their sweet sixteen. Women who don't snap their gum in your face and don't treat you like a fucking wallet. The closest thing to a real woman I could find here were older women. Lonely housewives, tired of being ignored and kept only to be paraded during parties and galas. Women married to dickless men who couldn't satisfy a woman to save their lives.

Some of these women were _very_ eager to welcome a willing and skilled 18 year old into their marital beds.

Like Sam, for instance. My eyes glazed over hornily as I remembered the look on her face when I gave her the shocker. They never see it coming.

"You've got that look in your eyes again. I'm locking my door tonight. Last night you came into my room moaning Darla's name. I don't feel like being sodomized in my sleep."

So I had a healthy sexual appetite. He should be flattered I tried to sleep hump him. And Darla...well she was one of my VIP milfs.

And I sleepwalked.

Sometimes I'd wake up at the computer googling weird shit or standing in the shower like an asshole. More often than not I just freaked people out. Sometimes if Jas left the door unlocked I'd wander out into Aunt Esme's "garden of Eden"...and I call it that because our property looks like some fucking botanical gardens. She's got every species of flower, bush, and tree known to man.

Sometimes when I got on her bad side she'd drag me out onto the bench swing under the huge magnolia tree and she'd torture me with plant rhetoric, pointing out little patches of her "babies" and talking my ass off for hours. But despite myself I enjoyed these serene moments with Esme; she brings out the good in me somehow. I'm docile as a fucking lamb around her. She has that effect on people. Carlisle on the other hand...finds me perpetually exhausting. Can't say I blame the guy.

"I'll soften her up for you at school tomorrow. I have English with her. She's been trying to milk me again since grade 10. Now go strap your dick back on and get some sleep, tomorrow's Sunday." I walked to my dresser and pulled on an old Zeppelin shirt and black sweats. "Are we doing Laguna again?"

"Let's see if you can make it to the beach, if Rose doesn't castrate you first."

"Hopefully Emmett'll have his dick on tomorrow too." Fortunately my linebacker cousin was the size of a small building. His girlfriend Rosalie lived with everyone else in the main house, and was hell bent on giving me premature grey hair. She was an incessant bitchy thorn in my side. Emmett was so fucking head over feet in love with her that most of the time he just smiled lovingly while she ass fucked me.

Jasper rolled his eyes and closed his bedroom door. I heard him hesitate, and then lock it. Pussy.

I winced as I got into bed. Pulling the comforter over my head, I groaned as I looked at the clock: three a.m. The witching hour of horniness. I rolled over onto my side, trying to remember the last time I'd gotten laid, wishing I hadn't brushed the taste of pussy out of my mouth.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for your kind words, and for enjoying this story! Stay tuned, I'll try to crank out a new chapter by next weekend.

BPOV

I could feel his eyes on me. His breath warm on my nose.

I didn't want to wake up yet. Not just yet. I was having the sweetest dream, James Dean, cigarettes, the smell of leather and a lot of dirty, sexy groping. I was so warm and happy where I was. Five more minutes. James was about to ravish me. For the love of god let him.

I felt him snuggle closer.

I sighed, felt those eyes boring into mine, the remnants of the dream slowly ebbing away. Consciousness stirred me back to the present. I cracked a sleepy eye open, and a pair brown orbs stared back at me imploringly…I groaned. I hated it when he did that. It never failed. I couldn't keep the smile from creeping across my lips.

"Morning, Jake."

At mention of his name he pounced on my face, giving me a lavish tongue bath, practically vibrating with early-morning puppy love.

"Ok! I get it! I love you too, fluffybutt." I wrestled the excitement out of him for a few minutes, then put him down on the carpet. How he managed to get his stubby legs up onto my bed every morning I would never know. I yawned and stretched luxuriously, right down to my toes, and pulled the cover back over my head. Jake scuttled out of my room to find Charlie for his morning walk.

At the thought of Charlie I let out a muffled sigh. I still couldn't believe him, agreeing to move to California for me. Forks, Washington and its perpetual damp had very nearly killed me. Dad had been happy there; he had a great job, his friends, his fishing, his solitude. Happy...until I came and completely devastated his peace. Mom was on tour with her athlete boyfriend Phil, so I had taken it upon myself to get out of her hair...and out of her house in Phoenix. I couldn't bear her giving up what small solace she had found in Phil to watch over her surly teenage daughter. And now I was a burden on Charlie, even though he seemed happy as a clam that I was around. He had uprooted his whole life, so that I could feel like a normal teenager. I was never too subtle about how much I'd missed the sunshine.

We had taken a trip here for two weeks last year; and to my immense surprise he'd fit right into the LA lifestyle. He has a friend out here who was chief of police for the L.A.P.D., who had offered him a pretty sweet little job on the force, as Police Deputy Chief in Bel-Air and surrounding neighbourhoods. Although he had been chief of police back in Forks, this was Los Angeles - and his new title gave him several perks I couldn't help but enjoy. This cozy little two storey hacienda on La Cienega, for example. My own charge card, which I hardly ever used, much to Charlie's surprise. He had even offered to replace my beloved antique truck back home. He'd taken me to a used car lot in Montebello where he'd pointed to flashy car after car, thinking every 17 year old's dream car was something gaudy and girly. He actually suggested a _pink_ car at some point. How little he knew me. I was a down to earth girl, and more than a little old fashioned. I had loved my antique back home; I wanted another one, with that same old timey feel...a big car I could let my five foot three frame feel big in. I wanted the smell of old leather and subtle remnants of owners past. After hours of scouring I'd finally found her sitting in a dark corner of the lot, under an orange tree. It was like something out of an Audrey Hepburn movie. A dusty blue '56 Pontiac Parisienne...I named her Holly Golightly, of course. She runs on gravity and a prayer but I adore her, the soft worn ivory leather of her, the gentle purr of her engine and how absurdly glamorous I feel driving her.

"Hey bells, I'm taking the animal for a walk!" Charlie bellowed from downstairs. He was referring to Jake, of course, and his disrespect for my dog did not go unnoticed.

"He has a name, dad!" I growled. Charlie muttered something about fleas and I heard the front door slam. Hmm...seven o'clock in the morning on a Sunday, what's a girl to do? One of the girls from school had invited me to some beach to go "man watching", and although I didn't like the girl much, it would mean a Sunday out of the house rather than at home with Charlie and his awkward manner.

However, the beach and the man candy could wait. For the time being I decided against leaving the warm sanctuary of my heavy duvet and snuggled deeper into my pillow, willing James Dean to finish what he'd started.


	3. Chapter 3

I hope you guys are enjoying this tale so far. I had a lot of fun writing it Here's another shorty to tide you over until next weekend. PaYce.

EPOV

My car is an extension of my dick.

Built for curves. Sturdy and all steel. Muscular...and may I say, pretty to look at.

I glided her smoothly into one of the last remaining spots in the lot, kicking up a cloud of sand and dust. Emmett parked his range rover not far behind, and I spotted a blonde head slip out of the passenger seat; she clicked as stealthily as she could in four inch stiletto heeled sandals toward me. She had a mad glint in her eye and a dangerous swagger in her step. Just as she pounced Emmett grabbed her by the loop of her red daisy dukes and stopped her in mid-air.

"Edward's going to pay to re-upholster your car seat, aren't you, Edward?" he flashed me an easy grin. Rose looked like she wanted to step on my neck.

"Oh go on, Rose. I'm sorry about the blood. I'll pay for it, if you promise to go have that sand in your vagina checked out." She growled and leapt again, but Emmett caught her round the waist and threw her over his shoulder. She cast me one last murderous look as they disappeared onto the crowded beach. Alice, my elfin cousin and the youngest of uncle Carlisle's kids came bouncing out of Emmett's Range Rover with a surfboard that seemed to completely engulf her five foot frame. In fact, all I could see was her slender arm grasping the giant board, a pair of huge brown eyes and a shock of jet-black hair.

"Oh Edward, don't poke the tiger, for the love of god." She threw me an exasperated look and ran to catch up with the others.

I caught Jasper ogling my cousin and I couldn't help it. I hurt him a little.

"Asshole, you know I like her." He muttered, rubbing his arm.

"I know you do. Just do it away from me."

I slipped on my shades and grabbed the cooler, heading for the beach with the others. Laguna was unusually crowded today – among the many beaches the Los Angeles area had to offer, we liked Laguna because it was on the quieter side, usually somewhat secluded. But ever since that damn TV show had aired people seemed to be flocking here for a glimpse of the famed beach. And they'd bring their fucking ankle biters with them. I stepped over a brat who ran underfoot carrying a little shovel and pail and scowled.

The sound of waves crashing reminded me why I was here. The salty spray in the air was thick, stinging the still fresh cuts littered across my body. I didn't care. I was pumped full of painkillers and had a cooler full of beer. I let the sweet smelling breeze and the full force of the blaring sun overhead wash over me as I slumped down on the blanket Alice had spread out and cracked open a beer. Emmett and Rosalie were off on one of their "walks" and jasper was busy trying to bury Alice in the sand. I chugged my beer, threw the empty bottle at him and told him to go give himself a concussion. He stalked off to the water indignantly, which left me with Alice, who was trying to get sand out of her bikini top. I averted my eyes.

"Look at the neanderthal, showing off for those sluts." Alice smirked. Jasper was in full Grecian statue mode, pausing dramatically before the tide, surfboard in hand, looking like a poet asshole out at the ocean. He was tall and lean, still bronzed from the previous summer and his shaggy sun bleached hair was forever falling in his eyes. He thought himself fucking adorable. He looked like one of the douche bags from the Abercrombie and Fitch ads, with his green eyes and model good looks. The motherfucker was wetting panties just _standing_ there.

Alice looked irked. The girls who were sprawled out near jasper were staring unabashedly at him, appreciating his form. One of them brazenly took her bikini top off.

"There it is. That's why I love this man. Women disrobe in his very presence."

"That's sick, he has no shame. And you should have seen the commotion _you_ caused walking out onto the beach, that horny group of 13 year olds over there nearly fainted at the very sight of you. And your Beverly Hills High fan club has taken up their usual post, I see." I looked to where Alice had wagged her fingers and spotted Jessica Stanley with a group of girls from our school, all of whom suddenly looked flustered and busied themselves fluffing their hair. They were all girls I recognized except one; she was the palest of the group, and by far the most covered, in a pair of denim shorts and a graphic tee...one of those old school ones, with an Orange Crush logo. I couldn't see much of her face under the white baseball cap she wore. My eyes drifted lazily back to Jessica, who had struck some sort of porn star pose, on her hands and knees pretending to reach in the cooler, wagging her butt cheeks at me. I rolled my eyes and turned back to Alice.

She winked conspiratorially, her eyes roaming over my sex romp injuries.

"The fact that you're wounded doesn't hurt your appeal, you know. You should put a shirt on when there are women around." She cracked open a beer and took a delicate swig. Alice was drawing quite a bit of attention herself; she was easily the most alluring girl on the beach, aside from Rosalie. She was petite, porcelain white despite her repeated efforts to tan, and she had the fine delicate bone structure of a china doll. Her doe eyes were her deadliest weapon. They were huge, almond shaped, giving her an air of innocence that belied her feisty nature; she was a spitfire, and could break a man at will. She seemed, however, curiously subdued today. Alice was easily distracted and lost in thought; typically a sign of evil schemes to come. I could almost hear the cogs turning in her crazy head even now – then she caught a glimpse of Jasper the boy god striking another pose on his surfboard and seemed to lose all coherent thought. As if hypnotized, her little hands drifted to the bikini strap knotted at the back of her neck.

"Alice!"

"What? Edward, just getting more sand out, relax." She sang. She brushed herself off and took a shaky little breath, tearing her eyes away from Jasper, and I silently prayed he'd hit himself over the head with his board. I'd have to take him down a peg or two.

"I think I'll go cool off a bit." Alice gulped down the rest of her beer as daintily as she could manage, adjusted her bikini bottom and strode away gracefully, her small form disappearing into the water. I ran a hand through my hair, cracked open another beer and adjusted my cock for the Edward Cullen fan club. I thought I heard Jessica squeal.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note:

Thank you for the comments and reviews, please keep them coming! Good or bad! As we get farther into the story, I might start holding polls to let YOU guys decide which major events should or should not occur. What do you all think? Yay or nay? Let me know in the comments. For now, enjoy another chapter of Dirty Los Angeles!

Xoxo

BPOV

Gross.

Did he really think that was attractive?

...I won't lie. It _is _a little attractive. And he's quite possibly the most beautiful man I've ever seen.

With skin too fair for someone who lives in California, covered in what looks like wild animal scratches. Maybe he wrestles lions.

He sort of _looks_ like a lion, with that thick mane of rusty hair, almost crimson in the mid-afternoon sun. It stuck out like a flame on the beach. His body...I almost groaned aloud in appreciation. He had the body of an underwear model. He had a sturdy build, toned; he looked hard and soft all at once. The kind of body that belongs on a billboard high above Times Square. He exuded sex, and I suddenly felt like a dog in heat. I mentally smacked myself.

He just sat there, a satisfied little smirk on his beautiful lips, his sunglasses denying me a glimpse of his whole face. He stretched out like the lanky lion that he was and just laid there drinking his beer like there weren't about a hundred girls ogling him. Then there was his friend...Jessica called him Jasper Hale and promptly rolled her eyes. I didn't see anything wrong with him...he was almost as beautiful as Edward. _Almost_. He had the tall lean body of a surfer, shaggy blond hair and the most inviting set of lips I'd ever seen. He had soft green eyes and his smile sent shivers up my spine, far away as he was. He wiped out again and Edward cheered.

I sighed and played with the hem of my shirt, feeling out of place amongst the bronzed beauties that seemed to be preening and disrobing everywhere I looked. I was wearing a bikini top under my tee, but I cringed at the thought of taking it off. I wasn't the exhibitionist most people in LA apparently were. I pulled my cap lower over my eyes and drew my knees up, crossing my arms over them.

"You look like an undercover narc, Bella." Jessica giggled, yanking my cap off my head. "Show some skin, you're in California now. You're on Laguna _Beach_ for crying out loud. You're way too white."

"I...burn easily?"

"Well no surprise there. Don't worry...we'll break you in. Every Sunday we come here to ogle the Cullen boys. Emmett's off somewhere with his girlfriend, otherwise he's a sweet eyeful too. Just you wait. And Jasper's Rosalie's brother...they're both like...supermodels or something."

"Dr. Cullen is a plastic surgeon." A girl named Lauren said, rather snottily.

"Yeah...so no surprise they're all fucking gorgeous. Look, here come Rosalie and Emmett."

I looked at the couple joining Edward and I almost cried. Rosalie was _stunning_. She had a cascade of soft blonde waves, a perfect fucking body, and a face like an angel. An angry angel. She caught me staring at her and scowled. I blushed furiously and busied myself with my drink.

"She's beautiful alright...but she's a total cunt. Don't cross her. This girl at school was flirting with Emmett on the football field one day and Rosalie came storming onto the field and just threw the poor girl down, grabbed a handful of her hair and uttered some pretty unladylike threats. It was all anyone could talk about for a month. She's _crazy_." Jessica gushed, as if she idolized the girl. I shuddered; she certainly looked intimidating.

I saw Alice in the water, and marvelled again at the fairy-like girl. She was so delicate, so _cute_. I wanted to take her home with me and show her off to Charlie. Sh's was in my English class and I had taken an immediate liking to her. She seemed fascinated by me, for reasons I couldn't fathom. She asked me about a hundred questions, where I was from, what Phoenix was like, what Forks was like, etc. When Mrs. Sinclair tutted at our incessant whispering we took to exchanging notes. She had invited me to the beach today, but Jessica and the girls had already included me in their plans. When I told Alice her face fell, but she perked up again and told me she'd have me over at the "pool house" soon so I could meet the gang. I hadn't known then that the "gang" clearly consisted of five freakishly beautiful people. I was terrified at the thought, what would I say to them? Surely we had nothing in common. And what was so special about me? I was plain enough to blend into the wallpaper, I was at Beverly Hills High for heaven's sake...the place was full of tall leggy gorgeous people. People with trendy clothes and perfect hair and nails. I looked down at my own unpolished nails and huffed.

"Guys, new girl needs more booze. She's bringing me down." Lauren sniffed. A girl named Angela handed me a can of beer with an apologetic smile. I liked her; she was shy like me, but tall, bespeckled and had an unconventional beauty about her. I made a mental note to get a manicure and pedicure, or something. I suddenly felt a little intimidated. My eyes crept back to the vision that was apparently Alice's cousin. My face grew hot at the thought of meeting him face to face. I had a tendency to be slightly maladroit around guys like him.

Well...around anyone, really. I think I tripped on my way out of the womb.

Alice came bouncing out of the surf and was towelling herself off when she spotted me.

"Oh hi, Bella!" She waved a small hand at me. I waved meekly back and gave her a shy grin. Edward turned lazily towards me to see who Alice was waving at, and again I was struck by the sheer sexuality of him. No wonder every woman (and a couple of men, might I add) within a thirty yard radius looked horny. Between him and Jasper the beach was rife with pheromones. I quickly lowered my eyes, afraid my body would betray me. I pulled my cap back on and adjusted my blanket. I picked up a book I had brought and hastily opened it to the bookmark, the words blurring into hazy black squiggles as I fought off images of Edward on top of me. With a shock I realized I was holding the book upside down. I grew about ten shades of red, righted the book and stuck my nose in it. Lauren chuckled.

EPOV

"Who's the nervous recluse?"

Alice laughed and snapped open a bottle of SPF 60 sun tan lotion. "Oh, that's Bella, the new girl. She just moved here from Forks, Washington."

"Hmm." I couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor girl. She probably had hideous scars or bad acne to have to cover herself up at the beach like that. "Hey Alice, get me a hot dog? I'm fucking starving."

"Get it yourself, your majesty."

"C'mon Alice...I'm wounded. Would you send a wounded man to his tired feet, in search of food and nourishment? Send him to face hoards of pre-teen valley girls making cow eyes at him? I'm only a man, Alice. A tired, hungry man-"

"Oh for god's sakes, Edward. God forbid the valley girls eat you alive." She snarled, abandoning her lotion and grabbing her purse.

"I love you, tiny dancer!" I called. I could hear her muttering as she left and felt a surge of love for the girl who had become like a sister to me.

I was about to flip over to let the sun work my back for a while, when I felt a cold shadow creep over me. Oh lord, it's the succubus come to waggle her tits in my face.

"What, Lauren?" I said, without looking up.

"Edward!" She breathed, standing over me with a distinct lady-leer plastered on her snooty face. "Can I interest you in a rubdown?"

I cocked an eyebrow at her, raised my sunglasses and gave her my best blank stare. She waggled a bottle of suntan lotion at me.

"Thanks, but I'm not interested."

She sighed dramatically. "I meant me, Edward! Please rub some lotion on me?"

"Why, do your friends all have broken wrists?" I sneered at her, put my shades back on and cracked open another beer.

"Edward!" She simpered. "Please? I like how you do it best. You've got incredible hands, and you used to rub me _so_ good."

I couldn't help it – my cock twitched. But I wasn't having it. I felt itchy just standing near her, and I swear she had a cold sore on her lip.

"I know I did, baby. But I'm afraid I might catch something. I don't have my rubber gloves on me." She huffed indignantly, grabbed my beer out of my hand and promptly upended it on my head. I relished the cold frothy stream down my face and chest, although, what a waste of beer. I heard a chorus of giggles from the bod squad. I looked over and flashed them a lopsided grin, and was about to resume sun ripening my glorious back when I heard a commotion at the food stand. I looked over and saw Alice jabbing furiously at some guy's over pumped chest, sounding peeved. The guy, who was about the size of a small Volkswagen, reached out and snaked one of his beefy arms around her shoulders, holding her in place as she squirmed and tried to flail him with her tiny fists. I didn't wait to see what would happen next. I leapt up, strode as casually as I could manage to him, and as he turned around I cracked my fist against his nose. Someone screamed and I felt rough arms grab me from the behind and wrestle me to the ground.

"Don't you even fucking look at her! You touch her again I'll kill you mother—"

I felt a shattering blow to my head and heard Alice scream. I could hear angry shouts around me, and all I could see were white spots in front of my eyes. I reached out blindly to grab one of the assholes who surely wouldn't live to take his next steroid injection. I lunged and this time connected my fist to the second guy's skull. I heard another punch being delivered, and this time I saw the asshole who hit me go down with a dull thud. My eyes cleared and I saw Emmett standing over him, his fist cocked, his eyes murderous. The other guy had already turned tail and ran.

"Try it again, you sorry motherfucker." He snarled. The guy held up his hands, blood running down his nose.

"Ok man, ok. It was just a misunderstanding. He hit me first. I was just trying to get the bitch's number."

I reared back and threw myself over the guy, ready to break my fist on his face. Emmett pulled me off and pushed me roughly to the side.

"Let him go, Edward. There are kids around..." The guy growled, shoved himself off the ground and stood there clenching and unclenching his fists for a moment, and then lumbered off. I watched him leave, resisting the urge to go after him. I looked over at Alice and saw the stricken look on her face.

"I'm fine." I growled. Emmett clapped me on the back and handed me a wad of tissues from the food stand, which he told me to press to the side of my head. Only then did I feel the warm trickle of blood down my cheek. I swiped at it angrily and noticed a dozen or so girls standing around us, mouths agape, looking terrified.

"I think it's time to head home." Alice whispered in a shaky voice. Before I could argue the others were packing up the blanket and beers and heading back to Emmett's car.


End file.
